Irreverent Millennial

Let’s face it: with 80 million Millennials in the U.S. alone, there’s a good chance you might be one of us. Whether you’re so Gen-X you’re disgruntled about being called a Millennial, you popped out of the womb with a smartphone in hand, or you’re just a Baby Boomer who understands the finer points of living with a lifetime of debt, more than likely, you’ve been a part of [or influenced by] some of the classic “Millennial” behavior.

Not sure where you land? Read on to find out!

1. You were born in the ’80s.

   

   Well, duh. This one is just math. If you were born between 1981 and 1996, you’re already there… whether you want to be or not. C’mon in, the water’s still potable for another few years at least!

2. You’re politically independent.

   

   It’s true: most Millennials will bristle at being called “Democrat” or “Republican” [or even “liberal” or “conservative”]. Even if we’re far more likely — as a generation, that is — to vote for left-leaning policies, there’s enough of an individual streak that we’re far more likely to give a third party a shot. [Just don’t do it in a Presidential election]. Which means…

3. You don’t bat an eye at someone smoking pot at a gay wedding.

   

   Live and let live, love and let love. We’re all in debt anyway; we may as well throw the best celebrations we can. Speaking of which…

4. Wealth to you is experiential, rather than acquisitional.

   

   I just wanted to use my “word of the day” calendar here [the word is “rather”], but it’s a well-documented trend: the discretionary income Millennials have is increasingly spent on vacations and exploration, rather than material, conspicuous wealth [cars, property, jewelry]. Is it due to growing up in the backseats of gigantic Chevrolet Suburbans? To the glitz of social media [a sunset in Maui gets way more likes than a new Audi]? Or to growing up aware of climate change, and an innate need to do as much as we can, while we can, before we’re feeble and dehydrated anyway?

   Either way, the things our Baby Boomer parents worked for — the stability of material wealth — has given way to spending habits that are far more fleeting, yet more memorable long term.But while there’s some generational resentment towards Baby Boomers [we’ll save that for another piece], we are thankful our parents placed more value on home ownership, because…

5. You moved back home after college.

   

   Man. That recession from end of 2008 through 2011 killed a lot of prospects, and probably some of your self-confidence. Nothing like coming out of law school with a degree and… parking cars as a valet? It happened to more of us than any of us care to admit.Flat out, thank you, Baby Boomer parents, for giving us a place to come back to, much as we would’ve loved to be out making enough money to live and pay down debt on our own. It’s partially why…

6. You put marriage off until much later than your parents [and certainly your grandparents].

   

   There’s something that feels wildly irresponsible about saying “To have and hold for richer and poorer” when you’re the “poorer,” living in your parents’ basement again. And for many of us, that’s where it’s at: we’d love to be settled and setting up our financial and emotional futures, but we’re going to wait until we’re able to support ourselves before we add in the responsibility of health insurance and joint taxes [let alone a family].OK, that’s enough negativity — after all, one of the strongest Millennial hallmarks is…

7. You’re optimistic about your lot in life.

   

   This one threw me the most, but Millennials — despite being maligned as lazy and entitled — are also one of the most optimistic generations out there. And not just because we’re hoping Bernie Sanders is going to magically change the tax code to cover our student loan debt. While we don’t have the manifest destiny of past generations, or the drive for conspicuous consumption of our parents, there’s some comfort in knowing that we’re generationally developing strong, long-term habits that emphasize people over products. Which is a little surprising for conventional wisdom, because…

8. You might not be atheist, but you’re not really religious, either.

   

   Come on out, ye godless freaks: Millennials, more than any generation before us, are eschewing conventional religion. That doesn’t mean we’re not spiritual [an overwhelming majority are still agnostic at minimum], but it’s just not as big of a deal to go to religious services, or wear your religion on your sleeve, quite like our parents or grandparents. We’re increasingly finding community through activities we’ve found on our own, rather than the community we grew up with. Plus, meeting new people of different walks and stripes just gives us more inspiration of what to explore next. After all…

9. You’re embracing diversity and working to be more inclusive.

   

   Millennials are the most racially diverse generation in history, and especially in the U.S.: over 40 percent of U.S. Millennials are non-white, and the U.S. projects to be majority non-white by late 2040. Fewer than 10 percent of Millennials say interracial marriage is bad, yet fewer than 20 percent of the “Greatest Generation” say it’s good. And we’re the generation most encouraging of raising children in LGBTQ+ households.Pat yourselves on the back there, fellow Millennials. And then go do some yoga to celebrate. Because…

10. You’re health conscious [to a point], even if…
11. Your first stop when you’ve got a health issue is “Google.”

    

    Yeah, you’re gonna raise your blood pressure way higher wondering which of these 11 extremely rare, debilitating diseases you actually have… which is still way less scary than going to the doctor after the age of 26 on your own insurance.

    But, overall, you’re pretty healthful: you care more than your parents or older siblings about where your food comes from, if not necessarily having the most balanced meal any and every day. For example, you’re far more likely to grab a grass-fed, locally sourced burger from your neighborhood pub than drive to get a salad at Applebee’s. Because…

12. You ain’t afraid to treat yo’self…
    …and you know exactly where and when the expression came from.
13. Circuit City is a fever dream of a long-lost, fuzzy past.

    

    You know it existed… you remember seeing those giant, plug-shaped red buildings anchoring strip malls [how quaint!]… but for the life of you, you can’t ever find a relic in the real world. Honorable mention goes to those small-to-mid-sized malls with CD stores. HMW, Sam Goody, Strawberries… RIP, old friends.

14. You remember passcodes instead of phone numbers.

    

    Before my first cell phone, I kept a massive, tattered list of all of my friends’ numbers… as well as notes on where I could find a pay phone if needed [I ran around cities a lot on my own]. Much like frosted tips, that thankfully went by the wayside in the early aughts.Now? I remember a few numbers I had to call so many times I couldn’t forget them if I tried… and I have 1Password. Speaking of which…

15. You know to have more than one password for things, right?

    

    Like, completely different passwords — not just “1Password1” and “1password!” as two separate passwords. If you know that, you are definitely, positively a Millennial.

16. You know YOLO, and you have no FOMO because you already keep it 100, you GOAT, you.

    

    Yep. Life is short. But that’s also probably the extent of your acronym agility, because you’re a Millennial. You’re probably working 5 different jobs while you’re reading this. Also…

17. You’re probably working 5 different jobs while you’re reading this.

    

    And you’re doing it on your phone, with three dogs tethered in one hand and a BiteSquad bag in the other, on your way home to snag your Lyft to your one, actual, in-person job: a full-time, 72-hour per week copy editor at a digital book publishing outfit.

18. You still have a GIANT wallet [or 4] of CDs. Not that you use them. They’re all digitized, which doesn’t even matter now that we can stream anything we want, anytime we want.

    

    But… I mean… I spent so much time filing them all into that giant freakin’ book to toss into my car [that no longer has a CD player, because the future]. I can’t just give them away… right!?

19. You have no problems downsizing your possessions.

    

    This one’s not so much an “extra cash” as it is a “less clutter.” Frankly, there’s just no reason to have that many shirts when you can wear only one at a time, and Millennials increasingly equate more possessions with more stress. Whether it’s tossing your old shirts on eBay or just bringing them to your local Goodwill, it’s no wonder the Tiny House movement has exploded with Millennials. And right in line with that…

20. Your purchasing skews towards reusability, durability, and sustainability.

    

    Well, we’d rather not waste our money. And while donating and upcycling is exactly what one should do with anything “extra” they have… you know you can nip that in the bid by resisting the impulse to buy more than one set of dishes. There’s only so many people you can have in your parents’ basement at a time anyway, amirite? Unless…

21. You’ve got an original NES, SNES, or Sega Genesis.

    

    Then, pack all those people right in your parents’ basement after all. It doesn’t matter when you learned how to drive a Mario Kart or “heat up” in NBA Jam. What matters is that it’s Friday and it’s time to unwind with some good, clean, cheap fun. After all…

22. You know TGIF once meant more than a restaurant chain.

    

    In fact, it stood for one of the greatest TV lineups in history. But you missed it, because you were out riding bikes with your friends until you could come back and play a Game Boy and unwind with Nirvana’s MTV Unplugged, you Millennial, you.

*Royalty free images supplied by Pexel.com and Unsplash.com.

Still not sure if you’re a Millennial? Never fear, friend — we got you. We’ve got a handy breakdown here at “What Is A Millennial?” …but if you need to start all over, we won’t judge. We’ll bring you back to the home page here.